CHIBATRON

The guy on the right, government name Mark Gonzales seen here makin fun of mike vallely with natas. Gonz is an OG skater and pretty much the man responsible for making street skating what it is today.

Ophelia Does Nay Give Advice…

Now, my latest post is something that I’ve been questioning for some time now. And that is: who qualifies to give advice? Possibly what prompted my latest angry inquisition came from something as facile as the post-love generation, 50s-something, gray-haired Starbucks barista. Going in for my daily dose of a Grande-non fat-iced Chai-light on the ice drink…I struck up a brief conversation about (what else do you talk to an aged hippie Starbucks employee about?) William S. Burroughs. One of her favorite authors, apparently. And having read two of his books, I considered myself well qualified to participate in such a discussion. Now, it being late afternoon, most  of the coffee drinkers were still sitting in their cubicles, giving this barista ample time to converse with me…switching the topic soon to my wardrobe decision of the day; which she deemed as “quite black”. Well.  I was caught slightly off-guard at this, because for the one thing I surely didn’t except for my personal style to be scoffed at by a Starbuck’s employee; and I also thought black never went out of style. ( And for the record: this woman also sported some sort of hairstyle that slightly resembled my Grandmother’s dog, Muffy, but maybe I’m just being bitter.)  But being a passive-aggressive seventeen year old, I looked at my pretend watch and made a break for it, leaving the Starbucks premise and our conversation behind.

Driving home, I reflected on this woman and decided not to let her footnoted commentary on my style bother me this time.  This woman prompted my overall animosity towards those who, for whatever reason, feel they are accredited to provide advice. Not only with this recovering hippie providing me with fashion tips, (as I would also not ask for what shampoo+conditioner combination she uses) I realize that  anything not dripping with the electrified color of her LSD experimentation would be considered ‘too black’.  But also, why should or would I take advice from a Birkenstock-and-sock wearing teacher telling me to take life seriously. (Life is a serious noun I agree…but it simply becomes an adjective when someone takes it upon themselves to keep their tootsies warm when they can simply turn down the A/C) Or even my favorite: the homeless man turning down my Menthol contribution because he doesn’t smoke that “cheap shit”. (I found them unopened on the ground ok?! And was trying to be a helpful samaritan doing a good dead for the needy.) So Chibatron reader, if you made it to the end of my pedantic tirade of the week; I simply want it to be known that:  thou shalt nay provide advice for thy who does nay ask. (And:  that I am back in black.)
Until next time,

Ophelia.

All that is PC and Microsoft is evil! Proof of this can be seen in the latest version of Microsoft Word. When one types the name of our president, ‘Obama’, Microsoft Word spell checks and proposes the ‘correct’ spelling, ‘Osama’. Try it! It’s real, just go into Word, type ‘Obama’, and the red jagged line will appear beneath it along with the proposal that what you were truly intending to write was ‘Osama’. Quite controversial/idiotic of yall over at Microsoft!

Todays pet of the day is samba lima. Samba is a relaxed and loving chubby lil girl. She is very funny and has a great attitude. If compared to a famous movie star she would be Chris Farley. Some of her favorite activities include walking around her jungle, relaxin on her favorite pool lounge chair, and yawning. Her extra girth just makes her that much greater.

As one of our contributors was walking down the street in Turkey last summer, a crazy bum was selling a white tiger cub at a measly $100 USD. First off, why would a bum on the streets of Turkey be selling a tiger for this cheap? Maybe because it was one of the worlds only deformed challenged white tigers named constantine. No one would want this little guy so he decided to purchase the cub and get it imported back to America. Once he raised the little deformed white tiger as a cub in his house for a full six months, authorities soon found out. He was forced to sell constantine to a zoo in africa for research. Constantine was not harmed in Africa but is now being safely kept in a white tiger habitat somewhere in Ethiopia… Here is a picture one of the habitat employees sent two months ago, apparently constantine is doing better than ever.

Jade Chapman, line drawing/tattoo artist killa brought this dope piece to us a little while ago and we never really put it up. She’s got the true OG skill and the gangta steeze! Do yo damn thing Jade!

Jade Chapman

Todays pet of the day is Captain king. he is a bunny rabbit and he is actually a pretty bad pet. Whenever let loose from his stinky cage he runs around the house and cant be found for hours, in addition to leaving fresh little bunny turds everywhere. But he is pretty cute

As we promised to present… A dear friend, Tracy Anderson has managed to capture one of the most popular videos at the moment.  It was documented at this years Coachella of a fat man striped down from his Wizard suit getting tased by a gang of angry police officers.  

WARNING, THIS VIDEO IS EXPLICIT CLICK THE IMAGE TO VIEW…

Todays pet of the day is Balls Feinblatt. This cute little guy has an insatiable appetite for fun and games. Some of his favorite games include nibbling on bottle caps and climbing up the sides of his cage like a lil crazy boy.

There are possibly no words that can be expressed when experiencing Coachella…  Three days of non stop music while walking around in one hundred degree plus weather couldn’t be more fun.  Although some of the main acts were possibly catered to forty year old moms this year, it couldn’t of been better.  Stay tuned for more coverage of a naked fat man with a wiener the size of a thumbnail running around the Saharah dance tent while getting tased by a gang of police officers.  In the mean time, you can view our current exclusive coverage of the event.

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